Sial, sial, sialbanget.Entahkenapa, guebgitutercengangdengannovel the Bondmaid, yang barusangue reviewdenganhubungannyadengan wanita2 modern super mandiri yang bersediadigantungdandiselingkuhi. Gue masihgregetanajasama sang Heroine, Han si pembantucantik. Kenapasih ada wanita se-pintaritu, se-berbakatitu, tetepmaunungguin pria yang bahkanbukanpacarnya ? Kenapasih dia gakmemberontakketika pria itumenolak dia habis2an, lalumerayu, lalumemperkosa, lalumenolak dia lagi ? Bahkanketika dia mati gara2 sang pria dan jadidewi, dia tetaptidakpernahmarahpadakekasihnya. Boleh2nya sang pria jadipenjagakuil si dewi, huh, ga pantes!
Dan ditengahkegregetanitu, guemembayangkan reply yang seharusnyadiucapkanketikadiasudahmenjadidewi, ….Seandainya sang dewibisacurhattentangperasaannyaketikaingattentangkematiannya. masihdengangayabahasa sang novelis….
I am distraughted; distraughted by you and I could not believe that years after you dumped me that way, your presence still distraughted me as much as the first day. For how long more you would disturb my dream? For how long more you would taint my fresh wound over and over again? For how long more I should shed my tears for your coldness? For how long more you would torture me?
Had I knew you would deprive me this way, despite your sweet promise of love, I wouldn’t have touched you. You said if I were yours I shalt not cry with tears anymore. Eversince I was with you, I had cried with blood for I had the sharpest knife stabbed my only heart.
I gave all I had for you. All the things that a woman could bear. The fruit of my life, my passion, my lights, all drained for your survival. But when it came to my turn, you carefully watched my slow death, like an amusing spectacle, that would create greater grin in your venomous smile.
How could a man be so unkind? You ripped me of every single conscious mind I had. You stole every single lively breath that was mine. And like a greedy spectateur, you added salt to my bleaking wound, to hear my scream even louder. Here and again you came to display how little care you had for me, how memories of those warm hugs, which was my only strength, had been erased to the very detail. And that you now walk freely like a man without burden, for you had disposed me, your only burden.
And everytime I saw your shadow, I screamed for your attention. Just for a little pause in your life to glance at me, even for a split second that comforted me; so I could think that maybe you did love me once.
But days turned night and night turned days, it’s been years since you started your very own game and spinned me as your dice. I learnt to savour the pain, to gulp every inch of your insult with delight. Torture had numbed my feeling and I could paint a smile beyond my tormented body.
I beg you now to stop mocking on me; to go away and leave me alone. Let the river wash away your name. But if you insist on staying, to preserve the very end of my devastation, I shalt remain still here. And you may scream desperately for my attention to see a hint of grief at the corner of my eyes. I would not be moved.
I do not want to hate you. I’ve told you I am too tired of hatred. I just want to stop loving you; to stop looking at you as my sweet sorrow. But even then I would wish for your horrendous torment. For the clock goes in circle and the world goes round. Your time will come when you have to pay for the agony of all the scars you had caused. So I warn you sternly, you do not deserve the good life you have now, for your rightful place is under the shadow of despair.